Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize