During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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