You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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