I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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