I'm lost and stupid without you.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
