Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Someone stole a lamp last night.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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