Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
