I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
