I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
