Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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