(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
