??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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