You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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