well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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