Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
tell your sister to shave her snatch
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
