she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
