My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
