my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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