if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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