Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
