It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
