nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
