Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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