so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
