I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
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