Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
