he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
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