eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
