I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
