marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
