Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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