Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
