I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
