I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
