i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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