You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
