I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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