i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
