Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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