i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
