i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
