in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize