haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
