PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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