he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
