My cat gives me a boner
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
