Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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