in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Randomize
