I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
