To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
wat bout pragnant strippers??
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
