his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
