go do what you do best...puke behind churches
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
