I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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