found the other keg... it's in the tree
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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