We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize