Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
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