I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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