First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
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