Well apparently he's into motor boating.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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