he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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