I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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