Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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