You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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