I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
