Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
