If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
