never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
