i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
