Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
