I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
